I decided to springboard off my post about intimacy to talk about how this falls into birth work and birth spaces.
We dabbled a little into how sex doesn't equal intimacy. Which it does not (More on this later)!
Here is the definition:
Intimacy (noun)- close familiarity or friendship; closeness
There are different levels of intimacy. We can have intimacy with our partners, friends, and even caretakers!
What does this mean for Midwives?
This means we have to have an understanding and appreciation for intimacy and intimate moments. As midwives we are in some of the most intimate spaces during some of the most intimate times. We are in your home, your bedroom, your bathroom. We are there when you are doing the hard work of labor, the first time you meet your baby, and when you get cuddled up in bed as a family. If those aren't intimate moments, I don't know what is!
Holding space through all of these moments truly is a deep level of intimacy that isn't discussed very often. Birth can make people feel very vulnerable. You may be nude, people are seeing parts of you that you don't often have people looking at, you're doing deep, emotional work through labor. It can leave us feeling really open and raw during a birth experience. Having a good working relationship with your birth team can help in these moments of vulnerability!
How to foster an intimate relationship with your Midwife?
Interview a few Midwives! It's important to have someone that you vibe the best with. Ask lots of questions! You want someone who fits your family, lifestyle, morals, and energy the best! Every pot has their lid, you want the best fit for your birth!
Get to know each other! Just like every other relationship, you need to build an open line of communication to feel comfortable with the person caring for you! Communication in any relationship is key!
Discuss dreams, fears, and everything in between. Once you get to know them and feel more comfortable you can open up! Discuss your feelings about the up-coming birth and postpartum. Let us know of your supports or lack of supports so we can help! Being able to communicate these things help us build a game plan for you to make your transition into parenthood a little easier.
Be honest! Honesty is the best policy here. Being honest also fosters trust between people. If things come up, let your midwife know! It's important to have open, honest communication between the client and midwife. Informed consent really goes both ways, we can only take care of you to the best of our ability if you're honest with us!
Holding Space During Life Transitions
As midwives we hold space for our clients during big life transitions. Even if it's not your first baby adding to your family still is a transition. We are there to hold mental, emotional, and physical space during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. This could look like hands on care while palpating a baby, holding your hand & giving you encouragement during labor, or holding your hand as you work though overwhelming emotions during postpartum. If additional support is needed Midwives usually have some good recommendations for others in the community that can be there for you too! Midwives are great at building metaphorical villages.
This could also mean holding space during sad times such as a pregnancy loss or through a fertility journey.
We are here for you in all your phases and stages!
Intimacy Burn-Out in Midwifery
We hold space for every client we have. We do a lot of hands on care out of hospital as well as hold space for all the big emotions that can come with big life transitions. As midwives we need to remember that we deserve support too. This work can definitely push our self-care to the side as babies don't really wait for anyone! Having a good support system and a solid self-care plan is important! We deserve a village that understands the trials and tribulations of midwifery. For any midwives out there, who may be feeling this, oh do I see you. Don't hesitate to reach out when you need it. We all need our village, and I will happily become part of yours!
Final Thoughts
Midwifery is a work of art and HEART. We hold space for families, for ourselves, and for our midwifery family in our communities. Intimacy is deeply intertwined in the work we do and should be a topic that is discussed more!
I send my love to anyone who resonates with this post.
Love and be loved my friends,
XOXO
Midwife Delk
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